I'm not really here...

I have a tendancy to be overly-intellectual whilst blogging, at least thats what I attempt to do. Whether or not I succeed in this endeavour is not entirely up to me. Intellectualism, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. I am certain that many people who have read my blogs regard me as an utter ass.

So I have decided, for this isolated incident, to defer my natural tendancy to sound like a badly written university essay and embrace my need to blog about...well...me (and my life). I won't compose anything of a complex nature, or even an interesting nature, I'm simply relaying to you, the reader, the things in which my opinions are simple, and not over-thought...black and white, as oppose to relative and subjective.

Now, where shall I begin? One's opinion about oneself can be equally as complex as one's opinion about one's life, so I'll just launch into this blog entry and stop waffling on about nothing.

I don't particularly like myself. I do sometimes, but other times, I really don't. I think that physically I'm pretty average, but never beautiful. This is an objective opinion. There are some people that I'm attracted to, and some people that I'm not attracted to, ergo, I am one of those people that I am not attracted to.

I like the way that I dress. I like my corsets, garter belts, stockings, high heels and boots. I like my Zeppelin hooded sweatshirts, my converse trainers and my band t-shirts. I like wearing black.

I don't like showing emotion to people and I don't like crying in front of anyone. If anyone asks, I'm fine. I don't like being vulnerable and I don't like everyone knowing about my problems. I don't like people who talk about my problems with other people, thinking that they know every detail about my problems, when they really dont know anything. This leads to misconceptions and assumptions regarding my behaviour and my personality...I dont like that. I dont like people who think that they know me better than I know myself. I like objective opinions from others about myself, but not concrete statements that are unchangable. I don't like people who feel that they always have to give me advice instead of just listening. I like people who will listen quietly. Having a friend that will just be there to listen is good enough for me. If I wanted advice from a psychologist, I'd go see one.

I don't like having a heart that can be bruised easily, but never feeling like I can reveal how much being bruised hurts to the person who has caused the bruising. I don't like being so nice and so forgiving that people feel that they can take full advantage of that, thereby walking all over me. I don't like that I allow this to happen, because it's my fault for not being stronger. I like that people can always come to me about anything and I will always accept them, I will always love them and I will never point a finger at them, because chances are, I'm just as bad. If I'm not just as bad, that's okay, because chances are, I'll care way more about you than I would about anything you've done.

I don't like men who ask for my number and then never call me. I don't like men who have no sense of chivalry or manners. I do like men who are willing to walk me to my tube station on a dark night, or who will put their arm around me if a creep standing on a street corner starts leering at my breasts. I don't like men who are so selfish that they won't take no for an answer. I don't like men who see me as just a body that is to be used as a means to an end. I don't like arrogance. I do like men who like my body, but like me for everything else too. I don't like men who have to be coaxed into being respectful and polite, if they were interested they would make the effort because they want to, not because I feel that they should. I like men who make an effort if they are interested, at least then I will know I am worth something to them. I like men who play guitars in rock bands...I really like men who play guitars in rock bands. I don't like the fact that I like men who play guitars in rock bands because this gets me into trouble.

I don't like women who say no but really mean yes. This confuses men and makes things very difficult for those of us who are actually honest when we say no. I don't like it when women get angry at a guy for opening a door for her or pulling out a chair for her. These women are ruining romance, and even friendship for the rest of us.

I like rock n' roll...I really like rock n' roll. I don't like hip hop or R n' B. I'm sick of it, please don't make me listen to it. I like metal music too...I really like metal music. I don't like "artists" who get their gear off to boost record sales and then claim to be talented. If they were talented, their gear could stay on and everyone would still buy the music (you don't see Eric Clapton parading around in ass-less chaps, do you?). I don't like female celebrities who strip down and claim that it's because they are strong and independent women who want to make a statement about female sexuality. Thats old, we've all heard it, find something new to make a statement about. What would be a miracle is if a female celebrity kept her clothes on and still made a statement about being a strong and independent woman...I would like that.

I don't like people who think that I'm incomplete and/or worthless simply because I won't shag them. I have a complete life and a pretty good life, and I don't need to be shagging some guy who probably doesn't love me, appreciate me, or really even care about me in anyway just so I can feel better about myself, or rather, make him feel better about himself. I do like people who will be respectful of my standards and try to understand the resasons that I have for them. I have good and justifiable reasons for them, just like I am sure you have good and justifiable reasons for yours.

I like my piercings. I have ten of them and I would like to have more. I like tattoos. I only have one, but I'd really like to have more, and I really like tattoos on men. I like piercings on men as well. I like ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />London, I like the Intrepid Fox and I like Camden. I like my rock n' roll friends, my goth friends, my biker friends, my metaller friends, my punk friends and my hippie friends. I like my friends that aren't alternative in any way, because they accept me for who I am, and I accept them for who they are. I like people who are true to themselves instead of trying to be like everyone else. If that means you dress like a chav then that's fine, as long as it's what you truly want. If that means you dress like a goth, then thats fine too. I'd rather be friends with a chav who is truly a chav, than a goth who's dressing like a chav simply because he or she feels that's what he or she has to do.

I like my church, Asylum. I like that it's a loving and accepting place where everyone can go and feel free to be themselves. I don't like that people assume we're not a real church or that we're not real followers of Christ just because we're alternative. Of course, people didn't accept Christ because he was alternative too and look what happened to him...I bet they feel bad about that now.

I like bellydancing. I like walking in the rain. I like the smell of rain. I like thunder and lightening. I like forests, lakes, rivers and mountains. I like being outside at night. I like candles and things that smell pretty. I like being around and in water. I like good food and healthy food. I like journalling and writing random quotes and thoughts down on bits of paper that I'll probably lose later anyway.

I don't like litter, especially when there's a garbage bin ten feet down the road. I don't like romantic comedies. I like biting and I like being bitten. This can be an erotic thing, but it can also be a sign of affection as well. I like literature. I like books. I like turning the page of a novel so that I can find out what happens in the next paragraph. I like feeling the paper in my fingers. I don't like it when people walk really slowly in the middle of Oxford Street.

I don't like capital punishment. I really don't like capital punishment. I don't like war or terrorism or needless suffering. I don't like that humanity feels the need to destroy ourselves on a very constistent and brutal basis.

I like people who can have a good conversation.

I think that covers it for now. I will probably add more later, or maybe delete some things, as I am consistently changing and growing.

I thank those of you who actually read this entire entry. It was long, monotonous and self-centred. But hopefully you learned some things about me that you didn't know before.

Cheers.

Willow xx